eldiablito_sf: (i will not keep calm)
[personal profile] eldiablito_sf
Dear LJ,

If you know me, you realize, without me having to say so explicitly, that I think Fifty Shades of Grey is the worst thing to have happened to minds of the susceptible mediocrities out there since... let's go with the Hitler Youth, shall we?

I have railed against it on FB, starting with this gem of a photo at a book store, to my undying love for the fiftyshadesofsuck blog, to these amazing reviews of the dreck written by one hilarious martyr (thank you, sweet ladies, for taking one for the team so that the rest of us don't have to).  But now, the Evil has spread to contaminate something I hold very dear (i.e. Matt Bomer) and I must unleash an outpouring of vomit right here on this subject.

Have you guys heard of this bullshit?  Apparently the person originally slated to write the script for this Hemorrhoid-ridden Anus of all that is literature introduced the idea of casting Matt Bomer as Christian Grey, i.e. possibly the most boring, despicable, phenotypically mutant, and emotionally derelict character in all of history (and best of all - UNINTENTIONALLY SO).  But then, this douchebag, let's call him BRET EASTON ELLIS (because that is his name), declared that Matt Bomer is... uh... "unqualified" (my quote, not his) to play Christian, because he is of the homosexual persuasion.  A part of me would like to be happy that Mr. Ellis has since been replaced and widely panned for his statement, and that Mr. Bomer has a strong enough support base to shut this ridiculousness down.

.... However ....

I cannot be happy about this because, should Matt Bomer agree to be in this (what will surely be a much better version of the book) horror, that will probably be the best way to assure that I WILL SEE IT.  And I do not want!!!!  I beg you, Matt Bomer, do not do this to me!  I'm even making this post public, in case you are sitting there and you decide to ASK THE MAGIC 8 BALL about your next career move (by the way, shut up, stupid magic 8 ball!!!), or you decide to Google yourself, and you read this - HEAR MY PLEA.  You are better than this!  And when they tell you that you "look just like Christian" - do not heed those heathens.  You are not a copper-haired, gray-eyed, mutant with creepy long fingers and tampon-yanking penchant.  I know you have three kids to put through college, but surely you don't need the money that much, right?

Do not, also, be tempted to accept the part just to prove that an actor's sexuality is irrelevant.  While I wholeheartedly agree, there are some things that should still be placed above political statements and the sweet taste of revenge, and those things are Respect for Art.  You know, that thing that Fifty Shades of Grey has mortally offended by its very existence. 

Thank you and may you all read better, sexier books!

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January 2014


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